Nine months of carrying your little one while dealing with body aches, nausea, mood swings, and more all become worth it once you’re finally holding your child in your arms. You’ve just won the ultimate race, right? But for some moms, including Chrissy Teigen, you might feel the complete opposite.

Teigen, quite often known and loved for her sassy and often blunt humor, recently penned an essay for Glamour about her experience with postpartum depression after having her daughter, Luna, with husband, John Legend. She shared how she hit rock bottom during a time she should’ve felt overjoyed.

I was different than before. Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my ­shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people.

At first, Teigen “blamed whatever stress or detachment or sadness [she] was feeling at that time on the fact that there were so many odd circumstances.” Soon after that, she had a physical with her general practitioner and was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety.

I had everything I needed to be happy. And yet, for much of the last year, I felt unhappy. What basically everyone around me—-but me—-knew up until December was this: I have postpartum depression. How can I feel this way when everything is so great? I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with that, and I hesitated to even talk about this, as everything becomes such a ‘thing.’

With varying symptoms in postpartum depression, Teigen goes on to explain that her hands still ache and she still doesn’t have as much energy as before, but coming to terms with her diagnosis and opening up about it has put her in the right direction of recovery. And she hopes that speaking up about it will help “people to know it can happen to anybody” and that those who do have it shouldn’t feel embarrassed or alone.

Read her full essay here.

xx, The FabFitFun Team