You’ve probably put the pressure on yourself to do well at work, but it can be hard to know for sure if you’re doing a great job. “Similar to getting an A+ in grade school, most of us are also looking to get our A at the office,” says licensed therapist Mariel Mangold. “The problem is, I so often work with clients who rarely receive feedback or struggle with interpreting their colleagues’ emails and conversations at the office…so they never know if they’re getting an A+ or a D.”
One way to mend this common miscommunication is to apply Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages — words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch — to your career. “Applying the love languages to work life can help you be clear about what you want and need and who you want to be in the office space,” says Risha Nathan, a licensed therapist. “Clearly communicating your needs is important across the board, and work is no exception to that rule.”
To better understand how to apply the five love languages to your work life, check out the expert tips below.
Words of affirmation
It brightens anyone’s day to hear that they’re doing a good job. If you know that a colleague feels most appreciated when they’re verbally praised, Mangold recommends finding something specific they should feel proud of (like their stellar proposal or unmatched Excel skills) and telling them. “When emailing, consider that you need to be very clear with your words of praise, and it doesn’t hurt if the email of praise is at least a few sentences long,” Mangold notes. “If appropriate, add [exclamation points], a smiley emoji, or even a flower emoji. Emotion and facial expression are generally lost via text and email, so an emoji can be very helpful for the person receiving the message as it leaves less room for misinterpretation.”
If you personally process appreciation best through words of affirmation, Nathan says to make it known. “Ask bosses and co-workers to share feedback on what they appreciate and look forward to when working with you,” she says. “Ask in a way that feels open and with a growth mindset goal so as not to appear to be looking for constant praise.”
Gifts
Let’s be honest, we all love when a colleague brings in delicious baked goods for the office. If you know that a colleague processes appreciation best through gifts, be sure to keep this in mind when thinking of ways to show your thanks. “It makes people feel like you’re thinking of them and that you’re going out of your way (and pocket) to show gratitude,” Mangold says. You can also consider becoming the office party organizer. It will give you the opportunity to express your thanks through an event that everyone can enjoy.
Acts of service
Think about how good it feels when a colleague actually acknowledges how hard you’re working and offers to help in some way. Why not return the favor? “If you see a co-worker who is working very hard without much relief (or thanks), why not offer to get them lunch [or] coffee when you’re running out, offer to take an extra shift if they need it, or just simply ask if they need any support,” Mangold suggests. “Even if they don’t accept it, knowing they can ask you may make them feel a little less stressed.”
On the other end of the spectrum, if you know that you feel most appreciated when people lend you a hand when you’re busy, let it be known. “Be clear with the people around you that you feel cared for and important when there’s a space at work for colleagues to support each other,” Nathan says.
Quality time
Sure, you have set work hours, but that doesn’t mean you can’t connect outside of the office. “Make yourself available to connect inside and outside of work in a meaningful and connected way,” Nathan suggests. “Offer to be a support system or mentor to people who are working under you.”
If you feel the most productive and appreciated in a setting of quality time, let your bosses know. It might encourage a work outing, a weekend retreat, or a surprise lunch to discuss topics outside of the 9-to-5.
Physical touch
This one may not be appropriate for the workplace. As a general rule of thumb, you shouldn’t touch people at work as it can easily be misconstrued. If you do, however, want to show appreciation with a hug or a pat on the back, Nathan emphasizes the importance of always asking for approval first.
xx, The FabFitFun Team
The Myers Briggs personality types are another technique you can use to assess your personal preferences. Here’s a bird’s-eye view of what your Myers Briggs personality type says about you.
