It takes courage for a survivor of sexual assault or domestic violence to share their story with anyone. Never underestimate your power to affect the course of a survivor\u2019s healing journey. Here are some tools\u2014words, actions, and resources\u2014that can help you support someone who shares personal experiences with you.<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t have to be an expert\u2014you just have to be yourself. If someone shares their experience with you, you\u2019re probably a person they look to for support, compassion, and guidance. Although you can\u2019t take away what happened to someone, you can be a source of comfort.<\/p>\n
1. Listen<\/strong> 2. Validate<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m so sorry this happened to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI believe you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is not your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re not alone. I\u2019m here for you and I\u2019m glad you told me.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Often times, a survivor may feel like what happened to them is their fault. We are bombarded with victim-blaming myths and attitudes in our society, and they can sink in\u2026deeply. But no action excuses a person hurting someone else. Violence and abuse is never the victim\u2019s fault. That responsibility and shame lies with the perpetrator. It can be helpful to communicate that gently and repeatedly.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing you did or could\u2019ve done differently makes this your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe responsibility is on the person who hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo one ever has the right to hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI promise, you didn\u2019t ask for this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that it can feel like you did something wrong, but you didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter if you did or didn\u2019t _______. No one asks to be hurt in this way.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n 3. Ask what more you can do to help<\/strong> 4. Know where to point someone to for more help<\/strong> Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network Sexual Assault Helpline<\/strong> National Child Abuse Hotline<\/strong> National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/strong> National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline<\/strong> 5. Keep an open heart<\/strong> \u201cIf we are able to communicate only one thing about your role in a survivor\u2019s journey, it is this: never ever underestimate your power to affect its course.\u201d – Maile Zambuto, Joyful Heart CEO<\/p><\/blockquote>\n 6. Finally, care for yourself<\/strong> It\u2019s important to care for yourself as you support another person. You cannot be your best self in your supportive role if you find yourself too tired to listen with care and compassion or you are overfilled with your own emotions in response to another\u2019s trauma. These feelings are valid. Take some time after a conversation to enjoy the outdoors or do a healthy activity that makes you feel good as a way of re-centering yourself. We have more ideas on how to mitigate vicarious trauma<\/a>.<\/p>\n Remember, you can be your best self for someone else when you give yourself the space to honor your own needs.<\/p>\n For more learning, visit these sections:
\nSometimes you don\u2019t even need words (or at least not a lot of words), to be there for someone. Many people share that being able to tell their story to someone else lessens the weight of isolation, secrecy, and self-blame. Listening is in and of itself an act of love.<\/p>\n
\nThink about a time when you felt vulnerable or faced a crisis, and think of what helped you the most. Chances are it was not a specific conversation you had, but it was the knowledge and comfort that the person or people you told were there for you, believed in you, were on your side, and were committed to supporting you through a hard time. There are some helpful phrases you can use to show you care.<\/p>\n
\nViolence and abuse is about power and control. It is vital for survivors to regain their sense of personal power. Instead of pushing someone into taking actions for which they are not ready, ask how you can support them.<\/p>\n
\nYou can best help a survivor by offering options and leaving space for them to decide where to go from there. Here are some national resources\u2014services that can point someone to local resources.<\/p>\n
\n1.800.656.4673 | www.rainn.org<\/a><\/p>\n
\n1.800.422.4453 | www.childhelp.org<\/a><\/p>\n
\n1.800.799.7233 | www.ndvh.org<\/a><\/p>\n
\n1.866.331.9474 | www.loveisrespect.org<\/a><\/p>\n
\nRemind a survivor you are available should they like to talk about their experiences further. The healing journey can be a long one. It can be full of many challenging\u2014but sometimes joyful and liberating\u2014conversations. It can make a big difference for a survivor to know you are there to support them along the way.<\/p>\n
\nThere is a limit to what we are able to take in and process. The stories of someone else\u2019s hardships related to a traumatic event can impact or become a part of us. This experience of second-hand trauma\u2014often called vicarious trauma\u2014is a human response to coming face-to-face with the reality of trauma and the difficulties of the human experience.<\/p>\n
\nSexual assault and rape | Resources for family, friends and supporters<\/a>
\nDomestic violence | Resources for family, friends and supporters<\/a>
\nChild abuse and neglect | Resources for adults and hotline information<\/a>
\nFor local resources in Hawai\u2018i, visit hawaiisaysnomore.org<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":"BY MONICA MARTINEZ, MFTI, SENIOR CLINICAL MANAGER FOR JOYFUL HEART FOUNDATION It takes courage for ...","author":2022634,"featured_media":107380,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[201],"tags":[],"thumbnail_url":"https:\/\/static.fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/28113937\/Survivor-Retreat-660x400.jpg","thumbnail_url_middle_card":"https:\/\/static.fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/28113937\/Survivor-Retreat.jpg","formated_date":"August 1, 2017","category_name":"Members Only","category_icon":"https:\/\/static.fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/11113301\/iSiu0EDM.png","author_name":"","trending":false,"sponsored":false,"random_color":"#85f7a5","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/107346"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2022634"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=107346"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/107346\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/107380"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=107346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=107346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fabfitfun.com\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=107346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}